Lamron

Allyson woke up to a strange sight, indeed. Her surroundings were not as she had left them the night before, when she fell asleep. Everything was out of sorts, nothing looked familiar, and she wasn’t sure if this was actually her house, or some nebulous place in limbo. Her head was groggy, and her vision was blurry, even though she didn’t remember drinking the night before; she hadn’t done that for a few weeks, at least. Why was she feeling so strange? Aside from the strange situation she was in, that is. Maybe she shouldn’t have eaten that weird pie her neighbor had baked her; Mrs. Nihiny was always looking at her funny, peculiar smells were always coming from her house, and what’s more, the pie looked a bit off… However, pondering her neighbor’s odd behavior wasn’t going to help anything now. So, she began inspecting the situation.

“What’s going on, here? …this doesn’t seem normal-” She began to mutter to herself.

You’re not normal!” A strange little creature who was made up of just a head and appendages, with odd tufts of hair sticking out here and there, and bulging eyes, interrupted her thought. Allyson started, then stared down at the creature, who stared back at up at her with an insane grin, its fangs gleaming in the hazy light.

“…something very odd-” For whatever reason, Allyson tried to continue her thought.

“LAMRON!” The creature interrupted her again.

“Wha-?”

“LAMRON LAMRON LAMRON!”

“…I don’t understand what you’re saying. ‘Lamron?’” Allyson admitted her fairly reasonable misunderstanding.

“It means ‘Get with the program!’ Nobody says ‘normal’ here, sweet-cakes! It ain’t normal!” The head creature danced around her excitedly, not once losing the insane, toothy grin on its face.

“Didn’t you just say-?” Allyson attempted to introduce logic into the situation.

“LAMRON!” The creature shut her down.

“…okay… but this isn’t what I went to bed to last n-” the girl frowned in confusion, taking a moment to rub her head (perhaps that would work the cobwebs out, and help her make sense of the situation).

“LAMRON! Get used to it, tuts! We’re not in the business of making outsiders comfortable ‘round here!” The bodiless face got right in hers.

“…where is ‘here?’ This isn’t my house?” Allyson questioned, inches from the creature’s face, as she felt too nervous to back up from it, lest it take offense.

“‘Here’ is where we make kitty-cats out of girly-girls! Like you,” the head creature’s eyes narrowed, its grin turning into a dangerous smirk.

“What?” The girl was fairly certain that the thing the creature had just suggested was impossible.

“Yer turnin’ into a cat! Look in the mirror!” Suddenly, the creature pulled a mirror from seemingly nowhere, and shoved it in front of Allyson’s face. In the reflection, she saw that-in fact-her face had been replaced with an orange tabby cat’s. It was cute, and almost looked like a cartoon cat face she might see in an anime, but she thought she’d really prefer that her own face be there in the reflection, so this quite alarmed her.

“EEP! But I’d really prefer not to be a cat! That’s wei-!” Allyson began to protest.

“LAMRON! Do you think everyone gets what they want in life? NO! Life is TOUGH, sweetheart! Yer gonna be a cat, because we need you to be a cat, and that’s that!” The head creature shook its finger in the cat girl’s face.

“…why do you need me to be a cat?” Allyson narrowed one eye confusedly.

“‘cuz kitty’s got claws, baby!” The creature spouted some nonsensical explanation.

“That doesn’t make any s-” Once more, the cat girl tried to protest.

“LAMRON! It’s the way of the world! The world is harsh, anthropomorphizes critters, turns people into aforementioned critters, and then the thing happens!” The head creature explained, ineffectually.

“…what ‘thing?’” Allyson cocked her head to the side, confusedly.

The thing that’s the thing! Don’t you understand?!” The creature jumped up and down excitedly, acting like the nature of “the thing” should be common knowledge.

“…no, I really don’t.” The cat girl stared back at the head creature blankly.

“Well, you’re pretty stupid, then.” The creature stated flatly, which caught Allyson off guard.

“Hey!” Allyson protested.

“Them’s the breaks, kiddo! Now get in line with the rest of the kittens! We got a long day of thing production ahead of us!” The creature started to drag the girl towards a stairway that led upward-presumably leading to the rest of “the kittens”-but the girl resisted, so it let go and looked at her quizzically.

“I really think I’d prefer not to.” Allyson informed the head creature matter-of-factly.

“Doesn’t matter! Just do it!” The creature demanded impatiently.

“I really think I’d prefer to run away, instead.” Allyson rubbed her furry chin thoughtfully, and then nodded in affirmation of her statement.

“You’d better not!” The creature warned as menacingly as a head could.

“Well, that’s what I’m gonna do. Bye.” Without a second thought, Allyson turned and ran in the opposite direction from where the head creature had been dragging her. She pushed through a wooden door that seemed to materialize in front of her, and then ran down a winding staircase suspended in space.

“LAMRON LAMRON LAMRON! Get ‘er! She’s gettin’ away!” The head creature demanded of someone. Allyson wasn’t sure who might be helping the head creature in its pursuit of her, but she wasn’t curious enough to stick around and see, either. She reached the bottom of the staircase, and quickly passed through another wooden door in front of her. And… she was back in her kitchen, the door behind her gone. With a sigh of relief, she walked into her bathroom to get a drink of water… and with a start, saw that her face was still that of an anime tabby cat.

“…so now what am I gonna do? I’ll have to go outside at some point to get some groceries or whatever, and the neighbors will see that I now have a cat face…” Allyson fretted momentarily. When the moment was over, however, she simply shrugged and carried on how she normally would on a Sunday morning. Maybe her neighbors would appreciate some “lamron” in their lives. Especially that Mrs. Nihiny.